I'm kind of filled with anger. I'm not sure why I'm angry; just angry. Not that rage kind of anger where you want to throw things or jam a #2 pencil into someone's eye. Just that mellow bitterness towards all people with a face. It has been a long week and maybe I've simply had my fill of people and things. Do you think that is possible? What is the cure...bury my head in a hole with my other ostrich pals. They probably do that because they are angry too. Think about it. They are called a bird, yet are unable to fly and their brain is like the size of a walnut. Now I see why that hole looks so inviting.

Anyway, I guess I just need to vent. I know that my life is pretty damn good compared to many, so I really dislike it when I get into one of these moods. What the hell do I really have to complain about or be angry at? Nothing really. I guess I'm just full at the moment and need to chill and just BE. I didn't sleep but a few hours last night and I am too damn old to not sleep. It makes me cranky and thus I feel angry. Maybe I should use the word ambivalent instead of angry. I just don't care - I have no feelings for anyone. The dog, maybe, until she takes a dump in my garage because she has some anxiety issue about being left alone and is stubborn as hell. She is like the kid who acts out simply to garner attention - mind you it is negative attention, but it is still attention. My dog is like that. She makes me so angry sometimes! How shitty of a dog owner am I? In less than 2 full paragraphs, I have thrown my ambivalence onto my dog (as she sleeps at the foot of my desk) without the ability to defend herself or explain her neuroses to me.

That just makes me angry!  

#headinahole

I'm still thinking about it. The Blog-a-sphere. I always think I have something to say or something to get off my chest, but never seem to make it to my computer.

Besides, mostly I am so pissed off at my government that that is all I want to bitch about, yet I have lost so much energy arguing with idiots, that I have nothing to say. Look, the dumb-ass liberals have even made me carry on with a run-on sentence. Bastards!! I have yet to find a lefty that can debate intelligently without vile slams at the right. Vitriol used to not get you very far, but that seems to be the agenda of the day and common sense a bit passe.

So, what have I been doing? Working mostly. I still travel 12 states. I still hate flying (the process, not the action!) and I spend more nights in a hotel than at home. I still complain about how much my wife ignores me and she just ignores my grievances. My kids are out of the house now, which leaves us no one else to speak to; yet we listen less. The dog likes it when I talk to her, but her lack of a solid language and ability to read limits our chats.

I just had a new Grandson. Well, I didn't "have" him, actually my daughter did, but in any case, he is here Liam Albert. Not sure where they got Liam from and Albert was his Grandfather's name. I'm going to call him Bud. I told my Granddaughter, whom I call P'nut (she is 5 going on 25), that I was going to call him Bud and she said "you can't call him that!". I said "why not, I call you P'nut. What do you want me to call him Walnut?" She said "yeah, that would be good, call him Walnut!" Bud works.

Well better go to bed. I have a motocross race in the AM. At least I was able to get more that 10 words out this time.

m

I'm thinking of a return to the Blogoshere...

Well Randy, here we are again; September 11. It seems that it was just yesterday that I was given your name in an on-line blogger program to remember those who lost their lives in that horrible day of September 11, 2001. It seems so unreal that it has been 5 years since we were introduced and 10 years since you were murdered. I do think about you often, not just 9/11, but at times in my life were I wonder how your life would have gone, had you not been killed. I have had 2 daughters graduate High School since we met. I know you had daughters, I wonder how they are and how they are getting along with their lives? I have a granddaughter now. I wonder how you would have felt as a Grandpa? I just wanted to say hello, Randolph and remind you and myself that I have not forgotten you. I have not forgotten September 11, 2001.

7 years...

randy, i just wanted to say that i have not forgotten you.

Randolph Scott.

time alone...

i left home on june 14th for a business trip. i started out with the thought of using the time to make some decisions in my life about who i wanted to be and who i wanted to grow old with or if i wanted to grow old alone. i thought the time alone on the road would be revealing into who i am. that idea has crumbled. i am more confused now than i was when i left. the only thing that i am sure of is that i am going to continue to exercise. it makes me feel good and maybe i can loose some weight and maybe gain some clarity on the rest of my days.

wine barrel...

i started exercising today. i mean for real, not just 10 min. and say "ahh thats good enough". i spent 45 minutes in there sweating and stinking and wishing i had not let myself go so far. i think i weight about 214 lbs. that would be really cool if i was like, ah 6'4" or somewhere in that range and not 5'8". i feel like a wine barrel without the pleasure of the wine. i am going to try and stay on a healthy path. eat better, drink less and exercise more. no promises or resolutions - just me making better choices.

a new day...

i think i need to change my thinking and change how i feel about the things that go on in my life. maybe i will start blogging again as therapy, specially now that no one reads it. i can start anew with thoughts, words and ideas. maybe i can find the peace i used to have with those that got me started blogging. i know that i need more of the Man upstairs.

today is step one.

mr. moto...

this is what i have been doing as of late. i joined an "old guy" race club and have been loving it.

old guys rule!

super...

i have been sick with this damn super cold, that has been going around, for two weeks now. i am damn tired of coughing up lung and never feeling better. it is always amazing to me how quickly we can spread germs and disease. i mean, it is not like we go around licking handrails on the stairwell to the subway. well at least i don't. if you do, you have more serious issues besides what cold you may pick (or lick) up.

well on to something else sickening. politics.

did everyone survive "super tuesday"? i know it was a big day here in kollifornya (as my terminator governor would say) because of the number of delegates at stake. i didn't go to a polling office, so i don't know how the turnout was or what the quiet discussions were. i typically absentee vote because with my travels i am rarely home on a tuesday. anyway, i voted some time back, like a retard, and voted for someone who was no longer running. it looks now like i will have to settle for the old soldier and hope that he can leave behind some of his liberal ideology. mainly, i hope he will finally see that we have to control our borders long before we can claim that "homeland security" is secure. and the crazy liberals, who want to take in these illegals and give them rights, benefits, welfare and a voice is the dumbest thing i have ever heard of. more on this later. my blood pressure just spiked and i need to lie down.

really i'm not dead...

it has been some time since i have been here. i got burnt out on sitting on my ass in front of a computer...writung, reading, commenting, thinking, drinking and getting fat! i think i will try to come back once in a while and write for myself. if you've made it here, maybe you made a mistake or you are an old blog friend, but in any case, i am going to write what is on my mind. if you are a liberal democrap, may i suggest you stop now and never return because you will not like my opinion. and it is just that MY OPINION! not everything that i believe can be proven or backed up with some resonable fact, but it is the way i think about it. don't like it, don't read it.

future thoughts

- illegal immigration
- useless liberal agenda of wasteful spending
- iraq
- taxes
- marriage
- death (is that considered the same thing?)
- travel/hotels/bad food
- any other bit of shit i care to discuss.


now... i am spent. this is a lot of typing for my first post back.

no explaination needed...