finally high speed internet has come to my house. i am so cheap i have resisted the "speed" for so long, but now i have succumb to the pressure of modern technolgy. it is fast and boy can i learn to love it. all is well with me. i just went to my 20 yr high school reunion. what a hoot to see the old friends and see how some of the average girls turned out damn hot! even with hotties all around, i was pretty proud to have my own hottie on my arm. deb looked really great and she did not act bored at all. in fact she had a mission with a couple of my friends wives, to seek out old girlfriends and proceed to bag on them (not very kind, but rather funny!) all in all it was a whole lot of fun. the week prior to my reunion deb and i were in hawaii. we flew in a helicoptor and went in a submarine. we rented a harley fat boy and rode around the island. and we ate dinner in a 5 star restuarant, where the "gentlemen" had to wear a coat for dinner. i ate duck, which is way out of my comfort zone, but it was pretty good. it will be an experience i will never forget.

i am really tired of political ads and politicians in general. they lie so badly that it is a wonder how and why americans believe anything they say. i can't stand either one. ok that is done.

i am in colorado for a week and a half. i haven't really been home since aug 15. i am looking forward to getting home for a few days. oh well, one must work.

my diet is working well. started june1 and so far i am down about 25 lbs. sometimes i crave that yummy dessert, but so far i have been pretty good. i only break the diet once in a while. i hope i can lose another 20 lbs, but another 10 would be cool too.

deb and i went to her 20 year reunion last week-end. it was pretty fun. i only knew one person that i remember from when deb and i dated in high school. it was nice to see her again and her husband is pretty cool. maybe we will go see them more often now that we have all met each other. my reunion is oct 2. looking forward to it.

WE ARE AS ONE

burning bodies touch together
seconds seem to take forever
sounds hardly hush the happy day
moving motion a systematic sway
hearts heard now are loud
two as one among the crowd
perfect passion screams past lips
cries let out from moving hips
the greatest grip the hardest hold
love is made not bought or sold
rejoice relax ecstasy came
seems nothing will be the same
holding hugs time is here
love lingers inside so very near
fingers feeling with loving touch
there is more it means so much
now nothing need be said
a willing weakness but never mislead

i am finally in my brand new house. i can not say how happy i am to be here. i am truely a blessed man. i never thought i would have a new house and not such a nice one. thank you Lord.it has been a long time since i have talked with you. i have no deep thoughts to share. i have made it another year with my bride - 6 years. how she puts up with me is beyond me. i am not easy to live with. anyway we went to lunch at henry salazars and mark had flowers and a balloon on our table. he is really great to us. meghan and her boyfriend john came with us and then all of us went bowling. that was a lot of fun, but i sure am sore today. i am getting tired. better go for now.

HOPE VISITS THE NEIGHBORS

i will love you forever
but have you never.

irony has its strange way
of making you want…
what you will never have…
crave what you can never touch.

simplicity leaves as torture sets in.
this knife of love cuts me into pieces,
as i fall to the floor alone.
hoping for that which is lost.

the phone interrupts the silence
as hope passes through my room
oh how close was i?
had only i stayed for the moment.

never shall i know you,
yet always i will love you.

It has been a while since I have talked here. I have just gone through another fathers day, not feeling like much of a father. I really suck as a dad. I did have a great week-end with my dad and my uncle Ron. We rode our motorcycles up to Roseburg Oregon. I rode about 1500 miles in 3-1/2 days. The days where long on the bike, but really fulfilling and a great "guy" week-end. I hope to do something like that again.

I really did miss my wife though. She had left for Iowa June 11th and I had left for work in LA on the 7th. We did not see each other until 10pm on the 20th of June. That is a long time and it reminded me about how important Deb is to me and how much I miss her when she is not near me. As much as she sometimes frustrates me, I could not live without her and I love her very much.

How would I define intimacy?

A prideful glance at the women I love.
The feel of her hands touching my face for no reason.
The brushing together of our hands as we pass each other.
The look in her eyes as she kisses me full on the mouth, just because she wants to.
Moving the hair from her face as I watch her sleep.
Looking at her and knowing we have something that no one else can share.
Holding hands in a movie theater like a school child in love for the first time.
Making love to her just to feel the warmth of her body.
Inhaling the air as she passes, taking a deep breath as I softly kiss her neck.
Being inside the shower instead of out.
Doing nothing but laying next to her, silent and at peace.
Kissing like no one is watching and not caring if they are.
Holding her in my arms, to protect her and keep her from harm.
Her holding me because she needs me to protect her.
Sitting on the couch watching the dumbest movie ever.
Sharing the yard work, without worry it won’t get done.
Making a date to read books for free at Borders.
Standing side by side in the face of adversity (life).
Playful teasing and touching, leading to more, but sometime maybe not.
Feeling her hands touch me.
Being silent enough I can hear her heat beating as I rest my head on her.
Being for the moment and planning for the future.
Being led by desire for her, not by obligation.
Not letting the world consume my desire for the one I love.

How would I define intimacy?
Feeling her love for me more than knowing her love for me.

another hotel. at least this one has high speed access. i am going to figure this computer stuff out one way or another. i have added the comment thing to my blog so now i can find out what you really think. not that anyone will read any of this because i haven't given out the link. that is self preservation on my part. maybe i will be the only one who ever reads this and it will therapeutic later in life.

this is my most favorite poem. written in maybe 1986.

Kick the Dog

Wake up time comes too early, kick the dog.
You have a hangover from the night before, kick the dog.
Your life flies by on the hands of your favorite clock, go ahead kick the dog.
Plans never go as planned, kick the fucking dog.
You go to bed, no girl, no sex, kick the dog.
You kicked the dog all day, why does he still love you?

why do i bother?

why do i bother to light the fire?
you seemed to have lost all your desire.
i ask you so often i'm numb.
my need is becoming so dumb.

why do i bother to fan the flame?
it's flickering light is rather tame.
i ask for your love and affection.
i wonder if i made the right selection?

why do i bother to tend to the spark?
my need for you is almost dark.
i long for your touch without my plea.
but it's my need for you that you fail to see.

why do i bother to wave through the smoke?
so weighted and heavy that i choke.
because i love you and for no other reason.
i will light the fire in this or any other season.

fuck

what is it that causes some of us to have good luck and others to have shit for luck? i stopped to talk to a man on the corner with a sign that said "vietnam vet anything will help". his name is john. i was expecting him to be a drunk, but discovered a very sober sounding and coherent man. so much for preconceived ideas about people. so much for me trying to be Jesus like. i wished i could get past my negative thoughts about those who may just be down on their luck. you know most of us are only a check or a few checks from being down on our luck as well. i bought john a burger lunch and hoped it would at least fill his belly for a while. i wish i had the power to do more, but i wonder if sometimes these people do not wish to be helped beyond food or money?