refreshed...

i have been camping, well hanging out in my rv trailer and riding my bicycle for two days now and i am really feeling refreshed. i have put "camping" (i am not a tent, let hike up to the top for a coronary kind of person) on the schedule one week-end of every month until june at this time. i really love to get away, yet still feel like i am at home. i know that really doesn't make a lot of sense but i have a 28 foot trailer and it is filled with my stuff, so it feels like home just on wheels. we are at a camp ground in morro bay, ca only a couple hours from home, but it feels worlds away. this is really a tough place to hang out - full hook-ups - electricity, water, sewer, cable tv and wireless internet. all for 38 bucks a night. i love it. next month we will be going out to the desert to dirtbike, so there will be no hook-ups for anything-we will have to use our generator and haul our own water. i will love that too.

i feel really happy. the drugs help too!

how can man...

I often think of man’s ways
But sometimes my mind strays
To visit a single life such as my own
A complex person simply on loan.
But through my own display of smart
I think of others to pick apart.
Not to destroy, but to question why?
Why is it a kind man will lie?
Is it to gain ground on a friend?
Is it his heart that will never mend?
What makes a sane man kill?
Can he do that of his own free will?
I know somewhere man has gone wrong.
But can he change and for how long?
It seems to me very odd indeed
That man has become so much in need
Of a thoughtless, conscienceless, fiery lust.
And have no hope, nor in God do they trust.
How can man live a life such as this?
Sometimes I think these men will be the one’s God will miss.

my turn...

seven things no one should know about me...

1. i went to a wham concert in 83
2. i love pb&j sandwiches
3. my ass has the curve of a 2x4
4. i thought about my current wife the day i married the first wife.
5. i cut my nails (fingers & toes) too short.
6. i am afraid of water
7. i lived in a 14 ft travel trailer w/out running water for 1 1/2 yrs.


seven favorite movies...

1. it's a wonderful life (blk & wht)
2. the american president
3. jerry mcguire
4. garden state
5. big trouble in little china
6. happy gilmore
7. star wars (1977)


seven favorite bands...

1. the smiths
2. x
3. rem
4. pearl jam
5. led zepplin
6. sex pistols
7. dave matthews band


seven favorite things...

1. mexican food
2. a good steak
3. ice cold beer on a hot day
4. the smell of my wife's neck
5. motorcycles
6. family & friends
7. this moment... until the next one comes

it says something...

i often struggled with my love for my wife. i adore my bride and have an unquenchable desire to be with her. but... she has trouble making intimacy a prioity. she loves me very much, but doesn't always show her love. this is a strange thing that a woman would be the unromantic one in a relationship and the man would long to be "cuddled", but it happens. i am always looking for some way to spark her interest in showing passion. i have been listening to death cab for cutie (my prize for being 10,000+/- on spiltwine) and they have written some words that i feel say a tremendous amount about true love, commitment and passion.

"i will follow you into the dark"

love of mine some day you will die
but i'll be close behind
i'll follow you into the dark

no blinding light or tunnels to gates of white
just our hands clasped so tight
waiting for the hint of a spark
if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied
illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

if there's no one beside you
when your soul embarks
then i'll follow you into the dark

in catholic school as vicious as roman rule
i got my knuckles bruised by a lady in black
and i held my tongue as she told me
"son fear is the heart of love"
so i never went back

if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied
illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

if there's no one beside you
when your soul embarks
then i'll follow you into the dark

you and me have seen everything to see
from bangkok to calgary
and the soles of your shoes are all worn down
the time for sleep is now
it's nothing to cry about
cause we'll hold each other soon
in the blackest of rooms

if heaven and hell decide
that they both are satisfied
illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

if there's no one beside you
when your soul embarks
then i'll follow you into the dark
then i'll follow you into the dark

death cab for cutie from the album plans

my first post of 2006...

starting to blue...

and so it begins - the holiday blues. i tend to really dislike the month of december. not that it is such a bad month or that i become all consumed with shopping and all that stuff. i just get so exhausted with all the fuss and activity that transacts in this month. every commercial is for junk that few of us need. everyone is in a hurry to go shopping and blow their money on previously said junk. "get out of my way i need that gift..." merry christmas to you too.

i am looking forward to january and a new beginning, thus giving me eleven month of peace before i have to be disgusted once again. i need a nap!

time to post something...

i have been requested to update this stupid blog. i wish i had something useful and enlightening to say, but i do not. seems like i have not had time to use my brain for anything creative. i have been trying to work more (because spending time with one's family can be so over rated!)

i did recently just take a trip to spokane washington for a week-end of motocross riding. a friend of mine (work associate) has a couple of bikes and let me ride one. it was a KTM 450 and i fell in love with it. fastest bike i have ever riden, on dirt anyway.

i wish i had one of my own, but it is pretty expensive and untouchable at this time. maybe someday.

i have also gone camping with my family (yes quality time with my family - work is really over rated!) and we had a great time. we went dirt biking up in hollister. i just got my youngest daughter a new motorcycle; her first one with a clutch and 5 gears. she took off like nothing and i was really happy that she did so good. she likes to ride and camp. good family time, but my wife crashed, as usual, twice and is bruised to the point of abuse (i don't beat her on her face, just hips and thighs!) she still wants to ride, so that is good - i think.

well, that is not very exciting or thought provoking, but it is new. have a great thanksgiving holiday (canadian friends, have a good day eh!)

99 bottles of beer...

i have been in colorado for 4 days now so i decided to treat myself to a free tour of the coors brewing company. man it is huge and a really awesome thing to see. i want a job there - they get 9 cases a month at a 40% discount. the only thing better than that would be free beer. it was very facinating to see the size and scale of their beer making process. it is astounding that we (society as a whole) consume that much beer. the plant runs 24/7/365. did you know that coors invented the aluminum can in 1959? yep. this is one of the many useless trivia facts that are now part of my encyclopedia of useless facts that will only win me points in drunken trivial pursuit. i enjoyed myself. the best part was getting my 3 free samples of any beer or zima that i wanted. i tried blue moon (very good), winterfest (seasonal, dark by coors standards) and a flavored zima (frozen slurpy style black cherry). i liked the blue moon the best - more like a sierra nevada or fat tire than a coors light. did you know that coors and molsen are now partners? yep, molsen-coors is the official moniker, giving respect to molsen for brewing long before ol' adolph started. more uselessness.

nothing to say...

it has been so long since i have posted, most probably thought me to be dead. nope, just lazy and left with nothing to say.

life has been crazy lately and i am ready for the ride to come to a full and complete stop so i can go around and get in line for another trip. we always complain at an amusement park about waiting in line, but in reality maybe it is a way for us to recharge, recoup and prepare for the next go round on the ride. what an e-ticket it has been. i have been so busy that i have not had one week-end to do anything for myself or to my home. my garage is still an absolute disaster and getting worse if that is possible. i haven't even looked at my pool in a month (too cold now to swim anyway) i am ready for a break.

i quit the band - no more music (the thing i liked the most). quit the motorcycle group (my term in office is over in dec.) and have said NO to a great many things. 2006 is looking good for r&r, family time and some me time.

deb, caity and i took our first camping trip with our new trailer. we had a whole lot of things go wrong as we were trying to leave for the coast, but nothing that stopped our trip. started out we had a problem with our weight distribution hitch. went to the local rv dealer and got that taken care of. the dealer we bought our rv from will be paying for that fix, even if they don't know it yet. then we are driving to morro bay and it is getting dark... turn on the lights - bam no more running lights to the trailer. not much i can do in the middle of no where. we drive on. so we arrive in mb and i have to set up our trailer, for the first time, in the dark. it actually wasn't as bad as i thought it would be. i had set it up a couple of times in the drive way and at the place we store it, so i had a good idea what i was doing, but i have never had to have it level and hook up all the stuff - water, electricity, sewer. well i left off the sewer until the end of the weekend because the tanks can hold 40 gal. (that is a lot of pooh) anyway, sat rolls around and i go into town to get a fuse for the truck and fix the running lights. i also picked up a coax cable to hook up to the cable tv outlet at the campground - maiden voyage, had to see if everything works! (i spent the rest of sat watching usc beat the irish in a classic and then watched nascar. i have not sat for that much tv in months, maybe years.) it was great! sunday came and we loaded up and came home. after all the beginning headaches, the week-end went really well and i am looking forward to our next big adventure - dirtbiking in hollister with no hook-ups (damn, no cable tv). it will be another new experience - full self containment.

well i guess i said some stuff. maybe this will break my writers block and give me some mental power to be creative.

outrun...

i have outrun my spirit.
i am so far ahead
i cannot hear it.
i cannot feel it or even know it.

i am a running mass of flesh.
no feelings of calm
or time to refresh.
i cannot stop this wheel from spinning.

i do know the day or hour.
but come Lord
for this world is sour.
i want to go, my fuse is lit.

i am outrunning my soul
and it is leaving
my life's a little drowl.
this crazy life i should be winning.

moved...

i attended my first "real" Bible study tonight. first, i must admit that at first i had some apprehension about participating because of my lack of knowledge of the Bible and my lack of complete believability in the facts of the good book. not that i am faithless, on the contrary, i am all about being faithful and to a big extent spiritual. so, i was afraid that i would not "fit" in with the group and i would feel feeble in my endeavor to sound informed. i worried that the people i sat down to study with, would be so far intellectually ahead of me, i would feel dump.

i worried, like an ass, for nothing! i am not saying that they aren't wiser than me in things Bible, they are, but they welcomed me so nicely that i could not help but feel good and want to participate. my wife had to leave early, so she left me the one brain cell that her and i mutually share, so i would at minimum be able to read the words before me. this i did with aplomb.

we had some very in depth discussions about why God created us in the first place and if He knew before we were created that we would sin, why do it? love seemed to be the reason i recall being expounded. His love for us and His desire that we should be Holy and chosen as His adopted child. i am really summarizing and not very well at that, but i at least got something out of it and i walked out much differently than i walked in. i wish i could say that about church on sundays.

some of you fellow students read this blog - thank you for inviting me and my better half to participate and learn along with you. i know it will help me in dealing with my struggle to be a Godly man. i look forward to the next time that i can attend.


Lord, give me strength to overcome my doubts.
build my strength beyond measure.
fill me with your love and understanding
so i may have clarity for that with i do not understand.
provide me the wisdom to seek you daily
and turn my burdens over to you.
i believe you are true. i believe you will never leave me.
let my obedience build my faith
and may i never leave you on the shelf,
seeking you only in my need, but seeking you for praise.
thank you for choosing me so i may chose you.

in Jesus name
Amen

landing gear at 90 degrees...

tonight i had dinner with a friend from high school. it has been 21 years since we graduated, but it is funny how it seems like yesterday.

tonight we sat at a bar in colton california and watched an injured jet liner land without incident. the front landing gear was turned to a 90 degree angle, unable to roll with a normal landing. we sat with the thought that we might witness disaster right there on the tv screen. the plane had been flying on a circle out in the ocean, dumping fuel and burning it so they might not blow up into a fire ball upon landing. we watched as it flew around, waiting for eminent danger. i imagined the horror i might witness and how i would react or how i would feel. a few beers into the ordeal, i was greatly moved and concerned.

the pilot of this aircraft is a true hero and one cool customer. i have never seen a more perfect landing in my life and all, essentially, without a front wheel. it was really good to see something good happen on the news for a change. well done.