brain dead...

i have nothing.

i am out of words.

i am too tired to think.

i'm having a party.

bbq, beer and swimming.

i may make it back.

but, then again, i may not.

riddle...

You are driving in a car at a constant speed. On your left side is a valley and on your right side is a fire engine traveling at the same speed as you.

In front of you is a galloping pig which is the same size as your car and you cannot overtake it. Behind you is a helicopter flying at ground level.



Both the giant pig and the helicopter are also traveling at the same speed as you. What must you do to safely get out of this highly dangerous situation?









Get off the children's carousel and, next time, don't drink so much.

news flash...

this newsflash just received....


Subject: Fw: Presidente Vincente Announcement:

Presidente Vincente Fox has announced that Mexico will not participate in the next Summer Olympics. The reason is that anyone who can run, jump, or swim... has already left the country.


now back to your regularly scheduled program, already in progress...

smart bartenders...

Jerry went to a psychiatrist.

"Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I'm going crazy!"

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"A hundred dollars per visit."

"I'll think about it," said Jerry.

Six months later the doctor met Jerry on the street.

"Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.

"For a hundred bucks a visit? A bartender cured me for $10."

"Is that so! How?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" Ain't nobody under there now!!!


i have to make like a baby and head out (sorry i couldn't help myself) on another trip, so i left you with something to laugh at and then really think about this joke. how often do we complicate ourselves and turn something so simple into something huge that takes $100 an hour to attempt to fix? hopefully i will have inter net in my hotels, but if not see ya and have a good week!

boys and their toys...

this is a photo from four different jumps clumped together. not all that impressive. besides the jumps are lame due to lack of "air".

anyway, the photo below is my buddy's son josh and this is three photo's of the same jump (thank you cannon elan 7e for making me look like i know what the hell i am doing!) i want to try a faster speed next time out so i can get more takes to blend in. i like this and i know josh will love it when i have it blown up. also, i am posting his brother james getting some monster air. i think he smacked his nuts on the tank on landing this one, but guys don't ask things like that... we would all reach for our own wobblies! i love this sport and i love my new bike. it is a lot of fun and very easy to flick around and it is a great wheelie bike. as you can see i have nothing of importance to say so i am filling space with dirtbikes enjoy!

we're off to see the wizard...

Four United States Presidents get caught up in a tornado and off they are whirled to the land of OZ. They finally made it to the Emerald City and went to find the Great Wizard.

" What brings the 4 of you before the great Wizard of Oz?"

Jimmy Carter stepped forward timidly and said:?"I've come for some courage."
"No Problem!" said the Wizard. "Who' s next?"

Richard Nixon stepped forward,"Well, I think I need a heart."?
"Done!" says the Wizard. "Who comes next before the Great and Powerful Oz?"

Up stepped George "Dubya" and said, "I'm told by the American people that I need a brain."
"No problem!" said the Wizard. "Consider it done."

Then there is a great silence in the hall. Bill Clinton is just standing there, looking around. But he doesn't say a word. Irritated, the Wizard finally asks, "Well, what do you want?"

"IS DOROTHY HERE?"?

i prefer my president to lead with his big head and leave is little one in his pants. what a character?

i hate blogger...

i hate blogger. i just wanted you to know. have a nice day!

favorite hobby...

i have no time to write right now. between yelling at my kids, cleaning up after vacation and leaving for work, i am buried. here is a couple of pictures from vacation to look at until i can sit down and write something. i will say that this is my favorite hobby.

damn animals...

Two guys are chatting in a bar.

One says, "Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?"

"Wouldn't you know it," says his friend. " I just joined the Elks."

i wonder...

you know sometimes i wonder how important it is to be successful. now, i don't mean rich and living high on the hog, i mean just being successful at living. i look around and see all the wonderful "things" that i have in my life. i am spoiled rotten! i over indulge. i over spend. i over do and am overdue in many things (not financial, more like spraying weeds and hanging screen doors). i often wonder at what price do we consider ourselves successful? is it after we have the big house? the fancy new car? the harley in the garage? kids that aren't high on drugs and in trouble with the law? or can success be measured by how content you are in your heart? is the person who has everything happier and more complete than the person who is happy in their heart with what they have and where they are at? we get so caught up in possessing things that we don't remember what it was like to not have those possessions. i am not saying that i want to go backwards or throw my lifestyle away, so i can live like a pauper. i simply want to be able to take a step back and view my life as the blessing it is and remember that i am so fortunate to be able to "have" things. but i also want to remember that those "things" do not make the man and do not fulfill me as a human being.



this photo is the license plate on my harley. this is something i should remember a little more often. OVERBLESSED!

an ass whooping...

i hate it when my wife is right. she loves to rub it in and add salt.

we where driving across town and faith no more comes on the radio. i’m driving along and notice out of the corner of my eye, my wife’s head bobbing back and forth (think of a motley crew video circa 1986)

i ask “what are you doing?”

“i’m doing what the guy in the video does.” she says.

i smirk and reply, “you have never seen this video!”

“sure I have.” as she gives me that look of “hello dumbass”

thinking i am so clever, i respond “so what is flopping around at the end of the video?” i am sure i have her on this and i can catch her bullshitting me. (i mean she like country music for pete’s sake)

she ponders the question for about 4 seconds and calmly says “a fish”

fuck me, she has seen this video, i think to my self. i think for a second and blurt out “yeah, well what kind of fish?”

“i think …. a gold fish”

i glance over at her and quickly look away because i know i just received an ass whooping. she starts to laugh, almost hysterically and starts pushing on my arm as i am trying to drive.

trying to save face i rather loudly shout out “what is the name of the band?”

“who cares, you said i had never seen the video, which i have, so who cares about the band name, i don’t know, but i know i just kicked your ass and it felt good!” (loud laughs and doh’s fill the car as my daughters enjoy this beating too!)

girls 1, boys 0

my latest obsession...

no, it's not the butt floss she is wearing, although it is nice, it's the monster energy drink she is sporting that is my interest. i was given one of these as a sample at the thunder run motorcycle rally a year ago and i have been a junkie ever since. i drink 2 or 3 a day. the can says to drink responsibly and limit your consumption to no more than 3 cans. how are they going to sell more of this stuff if they limit how many cans we can have. so what if you walk around all day with a cool caffeine buzz and the shakes. gimme my monster drink, man! i buy them, well, my wife buys them at costco for me by the case.(i never buy anything; i haven't seen a paycheck in almost four years!)

i know this is probably not the most healthy drink i could consume from morning til mid day, but i can't stop. i need it! i want it! i gotta have it!

i don't drink coffee. i love the smell of freshly brewing coffee, but the taste is something i equate to eating wetted dirt. i have tried to be cool and learn to like it, so i could hang out at the damn coffee place on the corner and not be ridiculed. i've tried it black, with sugar, with cream, with sugar and cream. i've tried those damn $187.54 cups of starbuck's coffee with weird names like macchiato and latte. i wanted to gag. it would have been quicker and more cost effective for me to lick the bottom of my shoe... tastes the same.

so gimme, gimme, gimme my monster energy drink. i wake up; i want one. i have breakfast; i want one. i am thirsty before lunch; i gotta have one. i don't drink them in the evening though. i did that once and stayed up for 22 hours, slept 2 and started all over again, this time ceasing by 3pm. there is one draw back and that is that my wife will not kiss me if i have had one to drink in the last 20 min or so, because the smell makes her want to vomit. this is a conundrum; kiss - monster? monster - kiss?

"hey honey, pick me up another case of monster...."