no explaination needed...

You've got to love our Veterans....

This man, 73, wears a protective flap over his ear while Senator Hillary Clinton addresses the Veterans of Foreign Wars.

a magazine for married men...

what i did last week-end...

NEW TELEPHONE GREETING

Wouldn't it be pretty amazing, if this caught on, all over the country?.........

"GOOD MORNING, WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES."

"Press '1' if you speak English,"
"Press '2' to disconnect until you can."

The Hypnotist...

The Hypnotist at the Senior Center

It was entertainment night at the Senior Center and the Amazing Claude was topping the bill.

People came from miles around to see the famed hypnotist do his stuff.

As Claude went to the front of the meeting room, he announced, "Unlike most hypnotists who invite two or three people up here to be put into a trance, I intend to hypnotize each and every member of the audience."

The excitement was almost electric as Claude withdrew a beautiful antique pocket watch from his coat. "I want you each to keep your eye on this antique watch. It's a very special watch. It's been in my family for six generations."

He began to swing the watch gently back and forth while quietly chanting, "Watch the watch, watch the watch, watch the watch..."

The crowd became mesmerized as the watch swayed back and forth, light gleaming off its polished surface. Hundreds of pairs of eyes followed the swaying watch, until, suddenly, it slipped from the hypnotist's fingers and fell to the floor, breaking into a hundred pieces.

"Shit" said the Hypnotist.

It took three days to clean up the senior center.

and so it begins...

no title needed...

The New Laurel and Hardy.


Kerry and Kennedy!












Brought to you by the great commonwealth of Mass-a-two-shits...

morning...

timing is everything...

A cop was patrolling at night at a well-known lover's lane. He sees a couple in a car, with the interior light brightly glowing. The cop carefully approaches the car to get a closer look.

Then he sees a young man behind the wheel reading a computer magazine. He immediately notices a young woman in the rear seat, knitting. Puzzled by this surprising situation, the cop walks to the car and gently raps on the driver's window.

The young man lowers his window. "Uh, yes, officer?"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, isn't it obvious? I'm reading a magazine, sir."
Pointing towards the young woman in the back seat the cop says: "And her, what is she doing?"

The young man shrugs: "Sir, I believe she's knitting a pullover sweater."

Now, the cop is totally confused. A young couple. Alone, in a car, at night in a Lover's Lane and nothing obscene is happening!

"What's your age, young m an?"
"I'm 23, sir."
"And her ... what's her age?"

The young man looks at his watch and replies:
"She'll be 18 in 11 minutes."

still remembering...

i recieved a comment from someone today that really made me stop and think about things. we sometimes are so forgetfull or uninterested, as americans, unless it "affects" us. take for example september 11, 2001. how often do you think about it? how often do you think about the family members that were left behind? how often do you think about the hatred and disgust that these terrorist have for us, simply because we view life differently?

tonight, a dinner was purchased for a marine, who served two tours in iraq, and his family. it was supposed to be kept a secret, but it was not. the hand shake of that marine, was solid and strong. he thanked me. me? for what? i do nothing! i do not risk my life to protect freedom. i do not sacrifice so others can complain about a war. i do nothing. i can never repay this young man for all that HE has done for me. i have had family in this country since the mayflower and i love this country and all that it stands for. are we always right or perfect... no way, but i would rather be here than anywhere else on this earth. and i would not be able to be sitting here typing if it were not for people like the young marine or our hero's from 9/11, including the innocents that fought and succuum to the terrorist that day.

i remember randy scott and i remember my young marine and their families for being brave and strong and proud.

even if we listened, we wouldn't get it....

1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.

8.) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.

Two Proposals Worth Considering...

New Gas Plan....Bush wants us to cut the amount of gas we use. The best way to stop using so much gas is to deport 11 million illegal immigrants! That would be 11 million less people using our gas. The price of gas would have to come down as a result.


New Immigration Plan... Bring our troops home from Iraq, to guard the border. When they catch an illegal immigrant crossing the border, hand him a canteen, rifle and some ammo and ship him to Iraq Tell him if he wants to come to America , then he must serve a tour in the military. Give him a soldier's pay while he's there and tax him on it. After his tour, he will be allowed to become a citizen since he defended this country. He will also be registered to be taxed and be a legal patriot. This option will probably deter illegal immigration and provide a solution for the troops in Iraq, and the aliens trying to make a better life for themselves. If they refuse to serve, ship them to Iraq anyway, without the canteen, rifle or ammo.

Problem solved.

it's gunna hurt...

to pee or not to pee...