outrun...

i have outrun my spirit.
i am so far ahead
i cannot hear it.
i cannot feel it or even know it.

i am a running mass of flesh.
no feelings of calm
or time to refresh.
i cannot stop this wheel from spinning.

i do know the day or hour.
but come Lord
for this world is sour.
i want to go, my fuse is lit.

i am outrunning my soul
and it is leaving
my life's a little drowl.
this crazy life i should be winning.

moved...

i attended my first "real" Bible study tonight. first, i must admit that at first i had some apprehension about participating because of my lack of knowledge of the Bible and my lack of complete believability in the facts of the good book. not that i am faithless, on the contrary, i am all about being faithful and to a big extent spiritual. so, i was afraid that i would not "fit" in with the group and i would feel feeble in my endeavor to sound informed. i worried that the people i sat down to study with, would be so far intellectually ahead of me, i would feel dump.

i worried, like an ass, for nothing! i am not saying that they aren't wiser than me in things Bible, they are, but they welcomed me so nicely that i could not help but feel good and want to participate. my wife had to leave early, so she left me the one brain cell that her and i mutually share, so i would at minimum be able to read the words before me. this i did with aplomb.

we had some very in depth discussions about why God created us in the first place and if He knew before we were created that we would sin, why do it? love seemed to be the reason i recall being expounded. His love for us and His desire that we should be Holy and chosen as His adopted child. i am really summarizing and not very well at that, but i at least got something out of it and i walked out much differently than i walked in. i wish i could say that about church on sundays.

some of you fellow students read this blog - thank you for inviting me and my better half to participate and learn along with you. i know it will help me in dealing with my struggle to be a Godly man. i look forward to the next time that i can attend.


Lord, give me strength to overcome my doubts.
build my strength beyond measure.
fill me with your love and understanding
so i may have clarity for that with i do not understand.
provide me the wisdom to seek you daily
and turn my burdens over to you.
i believe you are true. i believe you will never leave me.
let my obedience build my faith
and may i never leave you on the shelf,
seeking you only in my need, but seeking you for praise.
thank you for choosing me so i may chose you.

in Jesus name
Amen

landing gear at 90 degrees...

tonight i had dinner with a friend from high school. it has been 21 years since we graduated, but it is funny how it seems like yesterday.

tonight we sat at a bar in colton california and watched an injured jet liner land without incident. the front landing gear was turned to a 90 degree angle, unable to roll with a normal landing. we sat with the thought that we might witness disaster right there on the tv screen. the plane had been flying on a circle out in the ocean, dumping fuel and burning it so they might not blow up into a fire ball upon landing. we watched as it flew around, waiting for eminent danger. i imagined the horror i might witness and how i would react or how i would feel. a few beers into the ordeal, i was greatly moved and concerned.

the pilot of this aircraft is a true hero and one cool customer. i have never seen a more perfect landing in my life and all, essentially, without a front wheel. it was really good to see something good happen on the news for a change. well done.

remembering...

today it has been 4 years since america was violated and abused by the spawns of satan and his hoards from hell wearing a towel for a hat. now i know that is not a very kind thing to say and not everyone who wears a turban is a fanatical killer of innocent human beings. but, it is had to not feel some animosity towards individuals of that race or religion, because you never know if they are the "one" to harbor hatred for me and my family. these terrorist hate us (americans) without any regard to who we are or anything that we have done to them personally. they just want us all dead. they claim to be religious but that we are infidels and we should be exterminated. what the hell kind of religion is that and why would any one choose to be a part of such hatred and bigotry? my God tells me that my anger and hatred and desire to see every one of them wiped off the face of the earth, is wrong. it is bad and i am wrong for thinking that way. it is hard and painful to not hold ill feelings for those people and it is even harder to forgive. i know this though, as i sat watching a tribute to 9-11-01, shedding tears of sadness and pride, i know i will not and never can forget the horror and destruction of that day and i will not forget how proud i was and still am of the men and women who fought back, who gave their life to try and save others and those stepped up and showed this country's strength and determination to survive and overcome. i will never forget!

LET'S ROLL!

in the water...

i have been watching the news regarding the aftermath from katrina and can't help wonder why anyone would want to stay there. i realize that they have no communications telling them how toxic the water is or how bad it is going to get. i realize that many of these people had very little to begin with; maybe the house they lived in and whatever fit inside. now all that is gone. i might be leary to leave for fear that i will lose everything. but in reality they have lost everything - it is time to get the fuck out or lose your life!

i am very sad about the looting and the general decay of civilization that occurred there. it was impossible to determine from the footage if the stealing was out of necessity (food, water, diapers...) or simply greed (stereos, tvs and the like). what have we done to ourselves? is there no longer an idea of moral decency and respect for your fellow man. i read an article that stated; the real disaster and sadness has been man-made. the true disaster is how members of our civilization, our citizens acted like cave dwelling thugs and anarchist. the "natural " disaster only blew away the cover of this sickness and exposed our society for what it truly is - lazy and unable to function with out help from our government. don't get me wrong, i love this country and i feel bad for the absolute loss of everything from this storm, but how does this storm give anyone the right to steal, murder, rape and rebel from society and complain that they were not given a free hand out? maybe the one's who lost their battle with katrina are somehow better off because they do not have to see how utterly disgusting we as human beings (i use this term reluctantly) can be. i am trying to look for the good people who have risen to the occation and helped their fellow man, so maybe they can overshadow the sick and lazy.

a way of life...

i think this is the new way of life for americans. the sad thing is that i can remember when gasoline was under $1.00! never again!!!

until we stop consuming (buying) it, gas will never go down. why would it? americans have always been spoiled in regards to gas. other countries have always paid more for fuel than we have. not that it makes 3 bucks a gallon any easier to swollow. i hear vespa get good mileage!