crazy from the heat

i must admit that my last post was not very nice. it was not the sentiments of a supposed christian person. the whole subject is a very difficult one for me to have compassion for, but i really should try. maybe i was crazed from seeing the sun for the first time in what seems to be many weeks.

i really need to seek God more often (always) and look deeper than just on the surface.

i am finally home for a couple days from sacramento. i really have a hard time going there. if you didn't know, i have a daughter from my previous marriage and she lives in roseville, which is a community in the greater sacramento area. she does not want to have anything to do with me and it is so difficult to be so close without being able to see her. i could go by, but the situation is so awkward and unpleasant that it is hardly worth the pain it causes all parties involved. it is very sad that someone (her mom) would work so hard at allowing my child not to see me. i guess i deserve this for my past failures as a parent. i am still waiting to be the perfect dad... not in this life. anyway, i am really glad to be home. it was really great to see my other children, who actually like to see me (so they tell me anyhow) and see my wife. in that respect, it is good to be me.