i did not really want to go to church today. deb was working and i was still unsettled with regards to my friend and pastor leaving. i also feel very far from God for some reason that i am unable to put my finger on. probably my rebellion and anger at life is causing me to stay away from Him, because i know He is not staying away from me. anyway, i went to church and was able to talk to tim about his plans and his reasons for making a change. i feel better, but i will still miss seeing him and listening to his ramblings. the sermon was good today... something to the effect of seeking for answers within one's self. at least that's what i walked away with, which is basically how i view things anyway. i have a fault of never asking for help with anything, which i get yelled at often by many people, but that is how i am. i digress. i was talking about tim leaving. i believe he is making a great decision and his family will be very happy... grand parents, siblings, cousins and the bengals!

tim if you read this, i want you to know that i have truly enjoyed getting to know you and your family. you always welcomed deb and me from the beginning (those crazy bikers in leather) and made us feel like one of the family. thank you. i will miss you and flora and your unique personalities (flora has germs on her forehead!) and i hope that one day i might purchase a painting for my home and know that a good friend painted it. best of luck and God's blessing on your life. thank you for sharing you.

i will be off to the bay area tomorrow for the better part of the week. i hope that i can get out of this funk and improve my attitude about life. i am so blessed, i should have a permanent smile on my face and a hop in my step, but i might not recognize that person in the mirror. oh well. i am bored with my own words now so i am going.