it has been some time. it seems that so much has changed in my life yet not much really has. i am still here on earth and still plugging away at life. i went to a surprise birthday party for my granny, who by the way turned 80. that is a long time to be hanging around. i am not sure if i will be here to see 80, nor am i sure that i want to. i think i would grow too weary of loss... friends dying, family dying, loss of body agility, loss of memory (of which is all you would have left of those who have died) and just simple change. i know as i grow older with my love, i grow more dependent of her presence in my life. even when we disagree (how is that possible - i am an ass!) anyway even when i am mad at her, i am so in love with her and miss the time when i am not mad at her. did that make any sense? even when i am mad, i can't wait to get back to not being mad because that is when i am at my best and most happiest. deb is really good for me. she grounds me and centers me and smacks me around when i need it (figuratively not physically). i was talking about what is new. we are getting a pool put in our back yard (better us putting in our back yard verses someone else's back yard - duh!) in any case, we are getting a pool. i am very excited, the family is very excited. the only draw back is i may have to sell my harley. i don't really want to, but when i weigh all the facts, it would be the most unselfish thing to do. now that deb is back at a hospital, she is on call a lot and is more obligated to her job than in the past when her and i rode the bike more often. so she doesn't get the enjoyment out of it that she once did (although, she is pretty adamant about not getting rid of it). the girls don't really get all that much pleasure from it either, so that only leaves me. i enjoy it, but it is me alone... not my whole family. the payment on the harley is the same as the pool. i don't know what to do for sure. i am looking forward to having my friends and family enjoy our pool and i am looking forward to having many bbq's in the back yard. i am sure my decision will be made clear to me when God's timing is right. He never makes a mistake about the path we should take, we simply don't always listen nor choose to adhere to what we hear (know) to be right. speaking of choices, my pastor has chosen to leave our church. i was at the 80th birthday party when he announced it, so i know very little first hand information. he is not going to another church, but going back to school to be an artist. i lack creativity, so i am baffled how someone would have a desire to go to school to be an artist, but i am sure that is why i am not artistic. tim (the pastor) is very talented. i have seen some of his paintings and they are very good. deb also said that his house is painted (decorated) really cool. i am happy that he will be able to work toward his dream. part of me (selfish side) is really mad at him for leaving, because i like him so much. he is really a neat pastor and a pretty cool dude. i guess it goes back to my earlier comment of my disdain for change. i hate when things change. but everything changes. i understand that he said he would only be a pastor at our church, so that is nice. i will miss him and his unique perspective on the world and God and how we all fit in the middle. i wish him and flora, his wife, well and God's blessings. i hope that God will place a new pastor that will not change the dynamic character of our church. i like the realness of the staff and the majority of the people there. it would be a loss for us to change. i better go for now.